* Girl-Fence
/girl-fens/
noun: girl-fence; plural noun: girl-fences
a barrier, railing, or other upright structure, made of three or more individual girls, enclosing an area of ground, or female friend, to mark a boundary, control access, or prevent escape…
Finding love in New York, or any major city, is complicated, but the difficulty only increases when you make yourself physically unavailable. Let’s face it, women travel in packs. Rarely will a woman venture out in a social setting on her own, and when she’s looking for or open to finding love, she’ll always have her core group of friends by her side. While we believe that there is strength in numbers, our fence, our Triangle Girl-fence, often is inadvertently intimidating. Yet, it’s our catch-22 because we will never leave our girls behind. So, fella’s pay attention, ladies be conscious and learn how to penetrate the triangle girl-fence.
Learn the Dynamic of the Group: Who are the Key Players?
Any well-established group of girlfriends consists of three or more key players:
The Protector: she is akin to the mother of the group, always on the lookout for predators and unsafe situations. She is level one of the barricade; the only way to get to anyone else in the group is through the Protector.
The Best Friend: the best friend has the Target’s attention at all times. The best friend decides if you will get past “hello;” if she says, “come with me to the bathroom” mid-conversation, abort mission and move on bro.
The Floater: she is the liaison of the group who either introduces new people to the group or keeps your guys occupied. You Need the Floater. Tell your wing-men to strike up a playful conversation so that you can work on avoiding the death glare of the Protector, charming the Best-friend and seducing the Target.
The Target: basically, she’s the one you want… how you define what you want is up to you.
Your job is to decipher the role of each girl in the group, but please be aware: these roles are fluid for the protection of the group and will change if needed.
Know When to Approach: Timing is Important
Realize that as you learn the dynamic of the group from a distance, there are likely a handful of other guys going the exact same thing. Yet, you’ll get the opportunity to pass go if, and only if, you approach at the opportune time. The wrong approach is comparable to a bad first impression-the likelihood of a second opportunity to get it right is slim. Pay attention to ideal approach opportunities such as:
The Peak: this is the 40-minute window during which the group is experiencing maximum joy. Everyone is smiling, drinks are in hand, they’re dancing with each other and singing along. During the Peak, dopamine levels are pumping and the group as a whole is more receptive to the approach. Be sure to join in and not attempt to sequester The Target away from the group because you know- girls have FOMO.
The Group Selfie: this is an excellent opportunity for you to endear yourself to the fence-members and display your tender side. Photographic evidence is an essential part of every girl’ s-night and women as a whole are incredibly appreciative of any guy who notices the struggle of getting a group-shot and offers assistance. Pro-tip: diverting traffic or obstruction to their photo will earn you bonus points in the eyes of all fence members- even The Protector.
The Bathroom Run: girls operate in pairs when going to restrooms for several reasons- safety, an extra hand maneuvering in that romper, to discuss you and any other guy that tried to approach, etc., but there will always be someone left behind to guard the belongings of the group. If The Target is left behind, approach- she’ll be thankful for the attention and distraction from being alone as the other member use the bathroom. You’ll also have an extended period of time to make a connection because the line to the ladies room is ALWAYS long.
The Lull: this is the time when most, if not all, fence-members are on their phone and/or the group is discussing their next move. Usually, Girls Night wraps within 20 minutes of the Lull. In other words: there are 6 seconds on the clock, you have the ball, shoot your shot… and if you score, Kobe! This is your final chance to approach. The Target will not entertain anyone when she is ready to leave.
Know How to Approach: Have Manners, Acknowledge the Group
It’s a matter of basic manners and public courtesy to acknowledge the entire group. There is nothing more unattractive than a guy who doesn’t address the group as a whole. Offer a general hello but save your specific greeting and compliment for The Target- this is a signal to the group that The Target has your interest.
Be Confident: Have Some Bravado
Women can smell fear the way Lisa Bloom can smell a lawsuit. If you’re unsure of yourself, don’t bother approaching. The whole protector, provider thing is real, so be confident and show some bravado when approaching. But be aware that the line between confidence an arrogance is razor thin. Being overly sure of yourself is just as bad as being insecure.
Do Not, Repeat, Do NOT Offer to Buy a Drink…
…When The Target is still part of the fence and/or protected by the fence. Guys one of the most important things you will, or will not do, during Girls Night is deciding whether you offer to buy the group a drink. Yes, we know it’ll be expensive to buy drinks for all five of us, but your unwillingness to do so screams unmanly, unable to provide, and unable to proceed. This isn’t fair but, it’s the way it is.
Don’t Out Stay Your Welcome: Social Cues are Everything
We all know women can remember the smallest of details, a look, the inflection in your voice from a conversation 3 years ago, so don’t think that she’ll forget you if you aren’t glued to her side for the entire night. Give her room to enjoy the night and give other guys a chance to flub the approach- comparison is your friend. You can go from potential interest to annoying stalker by simply out-staying your welcome. Follow her lead, if she continues the conversation, makes physical contact, asks for your contact information, then you’ve been invited to stay. However, if she physically removes herself from the conversation, takes out her phone, or ignores you… abort mission bro.
