If you’re reading this, it’s too late to send help but consider yourself lucky because lessons were learned, so take notes.
My story begins where most people’s would end- in the third stall of a poolside bar bathroom in Montego Bay, Jamaica. I was three Mimosas deep- because you can’t dilute champagne like we quickly caught onto- when that tell-tale stomach rumble hit.
Now if your anything like me, you’ve seen movies, read horror stories, and watched memes involving people losing control of their bowels in a pool or a hot tub. As an avid traveler, that has become my fear and on this occasion almost a reality.
So without going into all the gross details, I was in the middle of paradise, wearing a minimal yet more modest bikini and shit was about to hit the fan. Travelers diarrhea had just kicked in, and I played it off like a freaking champ.
For starters, I made it out of the water without alerting the lifeguards who were somehow also the entertainment. I also recognized the difference between this stomach rumble from a normal one. This one was intestinal! Lastly, with my quick thinking, I grabbed a random beach towel off a random chair en route to the bathroom. There was a line, but hey, I don’t do lines and would literally slap a B to get to the stall at that point.
So as I sat, not squat but sat, in stall number 3, I racked my brain trying to figure out what was going on, what I ate and why I wasn’t nauseous or vomity.
I realized that I ignored ALL of my red flags for eating in a foreign country. Now granted, we were at an all-inclusive resort, but I did eat street meat, pick fresh fruit on several occasions, and I may have inadvertently swallowed hot tub water. As I continued to ignore the aggressive knocks on the bathroom stall door, I realized that alcohol + the seafood pasta from the night before that I ate for breakfast was the cause of my shit-uation.
Like I said, I’m an avid traveler, so my Tips For Better Travel include how to avoid putting a damper (and almost having to wear a pamper) on your vacation.
* I lost 6lbs in 4 days so #winning
