Like real New Yorkers, we’re immune to a lot of things. We’ve seen it, smelt it, ran away from it and recorded lots of things that would have an outsider running for the suburbs. We seem to just accept that there are a few life-skills and common sense nuances that many either don’t know or don’t care to enforce.
So let’s play a game and pretend that there was a limited number of “decent human cards” that get distributed within the five boroughs. To receive and retain one, you have to follow a decency code. Would you get one? Or better yet, would yours be revoked?
Here are some rules:
- Holding the door for the person behind you is NOT a grand gesture. It’s just a common courtesy that shows you have some decency in you. In the same respect, if someone holds the door for you when you aren’t an arm’s length away, you should put some pep in your step and meet their niceness with a bit of urgency. On the other hand, don’t be the weirdo that holds the door for someone down the block.
- When someone holds the door for you, saying “thank you” should be second nature. I will forcefully scream “your welcome” when I don’t get a “thank you” because I’m all for teaching lessons. And if someone attractive holds the door for you, do yourself a favor and do not get attached. Chances are the man on 40th and Park with the sienna-brown monogrammed duffel bag was simply being… a decent human.
- Saying ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ when walking through crowds might actually save your life or your face. Trust me.
- Covering your mouth for any kind of mouth-movement (sneeze, burp, cough, etc.) is for everyone’s health and really not that hard to do. Try it, thanks!
- Moving your work bag, gym bag, groceries, etc., off of the empty train/bus seat next to you does give you points but sadly not too many people do this. Don’t make it awkward for anyone who wants a seat but shutters at the idea of asking you to move ish. I will ask, and I will sit whether you physically move your belongings or not.
- NYC sidewalks are definitely crowded and it does take a special set of skills to maneuver through the grid. But, guys, this in New York and bumping shoulders or grazing hands could be mistaken as foreplay so move over. Also, if you’re in a relationship and feel the need to walk hand-in-hand on a busy sidewalk, you won’t make it far in the city. Move the F over!
- Picking up YOUR dogs sh*t must suck. I’m sure you love your dog, feed it, and pay mega bucks to keep it alive so do us all a favor and pick the shit up. You have to be real scum if you can leave a pile of poo on a sidewalk knowing that someone will inevitably step in it. I can’t afford to toss out another pair of shoes out so do your deed, or karma will.
I don’t know what’s up with people these days, but somewhere between taking pictures of food (guilty) and booking $35-$45 workout classes (so guilty), people forgot what it takes to co-exist in the city. Since calling people out gets labeled as aggressive or petty, I hope this list serves a friendly wake up call.
And with that said, will you keep your “decent human card?”
