Remember when you first started “talking” to someone new and every text conversation you had with this new him/her was screenshot and sent to one, if not all, of your friends? That one friend who somehow always knows what to say to EVERYTHING? I’m that friend and I’m the one who knows what to say at all times, in every form of communication. I pat myself on the back regularly, so I won’t right now, but to all of you friends out there like me–the ones who draft texts, arm your BFF with conversation topics for date night and creatively stage candid pictures to be sent that somehow make you look intriguingly hot– we’re technically dating that person too. He/she is also ours and I think it’s about time we get invited to date night.
Now, before you think this is just a #single-lady-venting-sesh or that I’m a horrible friend who thinks it’s a burden to help a sister out, you are wrong. So hear me out. It’s not my fault I got hooked. I mean he was literally answering my text, and that flirty banter wasn’t really with you. So is it my fault that I’m invested and I simply want to know how his day went, or if his dog feels better? After all, we are technically dating the same guy.
After all, we are technically dating the same guy.
Understand there’s a fine line between asking your friend for relationship advice and involuntarily making her your sister-wife. Its easy to become the friend on both sides of the phone and I simply want to ask why?
Why do we do this? Why do we overshare conversations with friends, seek help on how to answer the person we’re interested in? Don’t you think that’s a little weird? Shouldn’t we answer the person on the other end the way we normally would? I doubt he/she is asking you anything out of the norm or something that you haven’t experienced. Instead, they are probably asking something personal, or sexy or whatever to gauge your true feelings and level of interest. These responses should come from you. It will be very awkward when the three of you finally hang out and he ends up gushing about your friend’s “mad cool” personality.
Think about it. If we all went to our friends to help communicate with the person we are interested in, chances are you’re not getting to know them at all. Instead, they are gonna fall in love with the personality of the witty BFF who always knows what to say. He should like you, for you.
On a side note, screenshots should be used sparingly…like when homeboy is acting up for real or when you need to gauge your level of savagery. Remember screenshots are like receipts that can haunt you later. PSA: this adds to the increasingly hard dating scene a lot of us singles are in– nothing is private anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, asking friends for advice comes with the territory of friendship. So before you screenshot your next text convo, ask yourself a few questions:
- What am I having a hard time with? And am I seeking help because I obviously need it, right?
- What will my friend say differently than I would? And, do I really need their input?
- Am I oversharing because I’m insecure about our relationship and I need validation?
All of these questions have the same answer. Stop being a B. So, unless you’re inviting your friend to date night, try to limit the oversharing and start being yourself. The beginning stages of your relationship will only be that much more authentic and exciting.
